Parent Q&A

Hello, I have a 22-month-old daughter with Down’s syndrome. She throws everything—spoons, cutlery, her toys—and scatters her food while eating. It’s becoming very difficult. What advice do you have? Thank you.

Hello. I think your child’s behaviour is related to their age. When they display this behaviour, use short commands such as ‘no’ or ‘don’t do that’ in a firm tone of voice. One effective approach would be to try to take preventive measures.

I have a three-year-old daughter. Her grandmother looks after her; we drop her off in the morning and pick her up in the evening. But she wants to stay there and sometimes finds it hard to come home. Lately, when it’s time for bed, she cries because she wants to go to her grandmother’s. What should we do?

Hello. I think it would be better for you to take him home. Having him stay at his grandmother’s in the evenings could have a negative impact on your relationship.

Hello, teacher. My daughter is 31 months old. A few months ago, she made up an imaginary friend and named him Aslan, but over the last few days, someone called ‘Terrifying’ has taken Aslan’s place, and she’s very scared of him. She looks into the empty space and says, ‘I’m scared right here.’ I’ve been trying to talk to her, asking her to tell me about her friend, saying he’s a nice person who loves her, but she isn’t convinced. I’m at a loss as to what to do – could you please help me?

Hello. At your child’s age, they may experience fears of imaginary creatures or monsters. Try not to dwell on it too much; simply comfort them when they feel scared. Social isolation and a lack of friends may be among the factors contributing to the development of an imaginary friend. Try to increase the opportunities for your child to spend time with their peers.

Hello Mr Mehmet, I have a four-year-old son who has been attending nursery for two years. He isn’t withdrawn or antisocial, but he doesn’t take part in the group activities organised at school. His teachers say he takes part in the rehearsals for the end-of-year performances, but on the day of the show, whilst almost the whole class joins in with the dancing and singing, he just stands there observing his surroundings, and sometimes he gets upset and cries. Naturally, this upsets us too, and we’re not sure how to react.

Hello. If they are simply not taking part in very crowded events, such as the end-of-year show, and are crying, it may not be a cause for concern; however, if they are not participating in any group activities at nursery, it would be advisable to have them assessed. Please consult a child psychiatrist.

Hello Mr Mehmet, I have a 7-year-old son who will be starting Year 2 next year. When he’s doing his homework, he erases his mistakes with an eraser but then writes exactly the same thing again; he finds it very difficult to correct his mistakes. This happens in every subject. I’d be grateful if you could advise me on what to do. Wishing you a good day.

Hello. Your child needs to be assessed for attention deficit. It would be advisable to consult a child psychiatrist.

Hello, I have a four-and-a-half-year-old son. When he was a baby, my husband and I had some difficulties, so I left him with my mother to look after him. When we later reconciled, he didn’t want to be with his mother or us. When we bring him to stay with us, he struggles to stay for more than two days; he cries for his grandmother, so we take him back, and he wants to stay there. This situation is causing us a great deal of distress. Could you please help us?

Hello. As your child was looked after by his grandmother during infancy, he has formed a strong bond with her. For this reason, he may find it difficult to be separated from her. In order to strengthen your bond with your son, you and his mother need to be together with him and spend time with him. However, it would not be right to separate him from his grandmother all at once. You might ask your mother-in-law to stay with you for a while, or you could gradually increase the number of days your son spends with you to help him adjust without any difficulty.

My 5-year-old daughter has become very temperamental since she turned 2. She’s been having tantrums, particularly over the last two months. She’s started to feel jealous of her 2½-year-old sibling. I’m a mother who pays close attention to developmental milestones, and I’m constantly researching the issue, but we just can’t seem to get on top of it.

Hello. Try to spend more one-to-one time with your child. It is important to identify the triggers and behaviours that lead to tantrums. If you can identify these, you will be able to intervene before a tantrum occurs. It may be helpful to seek professional help in this regard.

Hello, Mr Mehmet. I have a six-year-old daughter who keeps asking questions about the future and then starts crying. For example, she asks things like, ‘Mum, I won’t have to have an operation when I grow up, will I? I don’t want to. Will it hurt a lot when I grow up, get married and have a baby? I don’t want it to hurt. Will my lessons be really hard when I start primary school? I hope not.’ When I try to explain that she shouldn’t be afraid and that it’s too early to be thinking about these things, her eyes well up and she starts crying, saying, “Please don’t let that happen, Mummy.” She’s constantly preoccupied with these questions. Do you think this is normal? Should I take her to a psychologist?

Hello. Your child is showing symptoms of an ‘anxiety disorder’. It would be advisable to consult a child psychiatrist for treatment.

I have a 10-year-old daughter. We divorced when she was 4. I have custody. As we lived in the same city, she was able to see her mother whenever she wanted. When she was 8, my daughter, I and her grandmother moved to another city. She spent the half-term and summer holidays with her mother. After she returned from the 2016 half-term holiday, she began to display tantrums, crying fits, a refusal to go to school, and constant statements like ‘I miss my mum, I want to go to her’, likely because her mother had a child from her second marriage. What approach should I take?

Hello. As your daughter has had limited contact with her mother, she may experience heightened anxiety about not being loved or wanted by her mother following the birth of her sibling. Try to increase the opportunities for her to communicate with her mother. Talking and seeing her mother more often will help to alleviate her anxiety. You can also encourage her to talk about her worries.

Good day, Mr Mehmet. I have a daughter in Year 4. She is doing very well in her lessons, but we are struggling with maths. We find mental arithmetic particularly difficult. We have been taking her for extra tuition, but we just can’t seem to catch up. She is very keen. Her teachers have suggested we seek psychiatric support; could you help us with this? Thank you.

Hello. It is important to remember that every child may struggle in different areas. This does not necessarily indicate a psychiatric disorder. An assessment can be carried out to determine whether there is a Specific Learning Disorder or attention deficit. A learning difficulty in mathematics is a less common subtype of Specific Learning Disorder. You can consult a child psychiatrist for an assessment.

Hello, my son was born in 2010 and is five years old. He is attending nursery for the 2015–2016 term. He was doing so well before the half-term break—he was happy at nursery and we didn’t have many problems—but since the break, they’ve been calling us to ask us to collect him early. Apparently, he’s been swearing – not every day, mind you – and banging chairs against the walls and doors. We’re seeing similar behaviour at home too. My husband is a long-distance lorry driver, so he’s not home every day, and my son and I have been spending a lot of time together; I simply don’t know how to handle this situation anymore.

Hello. Children may experience an increase in adjustment difficulties following the holiday period. If these behaviours persist, please do consult a child psychiatrist.

Hello, my daughter is about 8 years old and sleeps with me at night. We just can’t get her to sleep alone in her own bed; she’s constantly crying and wants to come to us. After she’s slept with us, we take her back to her bed, but she wakes up during the night and comes back again. If we don’t let her, she won’t sleep in her bed. She uses every excuse to put off going to sleep – she drinks water, goes to the toilet – and then insists on coming to us, crying until she does. She also picks at her cuticles and bites her lips, sometimes to the point of causing an infection. We’ve tried everything but haven’t been able to stop her. What should we do?

Hello. Try to help your daughter cope with this anxiety by introducing changes gradually. Come to an agreement with her about her sleeping in her own bed. At first, you can stay with her until she falls asleep and leave the light on. Make it clear that you will leave once she has fallen asleep. Every time she wakes up at night, try to take her back to her bed. As her anxiety decreases, gradually reduce the amount of time you stay in her room. It is important that you remain consistent in this approach. If she is unable to overcome her anxiety in this way, please consult a child psychiatrist.